Ryan Adams meddelar genom Cardinals bloggen att han inte kommer att kunna arbeta med musik i framtiden på grund av att han har fått Ménière’s disease. Dock så kommer den planerade turnén att slutföras, men sen är det stopp. Inläggen på bloggen är nu borttaget, men som tur var hade jag kvar dem i RSS-läsaren.
Här blogginläggen i sin helhet:
FOR CARDINALS FANS and FAM,
via CARDINAL CAVE den 2009-01-15
Friends and Fans (and Internet Lurking Music News Hacks)
I am very sorry if my blog post concerning my need to walk away for however long from cardinals( and from doing music related to the music i have made during my solo career and during my very long and substantially frustrating time at my former label ) was alarming or shocking or seemed off base. it was not my intention to be dramatic. I feel like i am entitled to my feelings and that i certainly do not deserve to be further ridiculed for my deteriorating inner ear issues and the physical pain that goes along with that.
perhaps my emotional overview of the things i resented and regretted was too much but this is also my choice if i choose to share here at THE CARDINALS BLOG as I am an original member of the band and I feel just as entitled to my opinion and my desire to be open about why i would choose to pull back now, after SUPPORTING THIS BAND AND ITS CONCEPTS when i might have continued during that time as a solo artist.
my reasoning is sound as is my dedication to what i feel is right for me and my thoughts and feelings are valid. i am a human being and have the basic desire to be well and not suffer any longer pain or anxiety that is unnecessary when my efforts might be better used and longer lasting in an environment where i would be happier therefor more helpful to others for longer.
what is so funny is, people i almost never speak to, people i played music with even who are supposed to be my friends, people in bands i grew up admiring who i went out of my way to support even to my own detriment called me today or send texts- the WORST being ” hey man, are you alright?? I been hearing rumors….” wow….thanks….class. sorry but this is not drama this is life and soap opera’s are on t.v. this is just life. funny how that passes when we chase away at the ghosts and forget all those living moments right at our fingertips within our reach.
i mean, a man in his advancing years who i didn’t even share a happy holidays or happy news years message with managed to text my phone to ask me about ”rumors…” as if for some reason the idea that a grown man a 34 year old man is somehow off-kilter if he chooses to share with his fans that it might be time to walk away….
no offense but imagine what that might have meant if more people walked away before they harmed themselves or others or worse DIDN’T because of some pirate mentality or pride riddled sense of obligation that somehow by traveling and separating yourself from real life and living in the bubble of stage lights and after shows of empty rooms of snack foods and dentist lighting would somehow mean you were still somebody.
i was more a somebody to me when i was not a projected idea, a bad example at that, to others, when my guitar had an audience of the walls of my bedroom. at least when it was that nobody got hurt and i wasn’t running away from anything.
you see, this is all very complex and requires a lot of just being open about what i have hated about all this.
i LOVE music.
i LOATHE who people demand a person be if he wants to play that music.
the compromise starts the minute you step a foot on a stage.
that first step is a step away from who you really are- and i am being honest by saying this- PEOPLE WHO STAY WHO THEY REALLY ARE IN THIS BUSINESS AND ACTUALLY MAKE SOMETHING OF THEMSELVES SUFFER TREMENDOUSLY FOR THEIR ACTIONS….
every struggle to keep things simple- to keeps lights not looking stupid and just normal- to try and NOT do videos and NOT do too much press and NOT be a cheese ball- it all seems like the actions of a petulant ass. But what if all that fight was an attempt at keeping things simple…. how does a person do that once who they are seems owned by everyone’s perception of who the person is supposed to be?
I don’t know. I lost that battle. I just want to play the guitar and not be the center of attention. Funny how that got me in this mess in the first place. I didn’t want that job and because I didn’t want it so bad that almost became the subtext of the show…”let’s go watch the uncomfortable guy lose his marbles again”…and of course, I did. Then things got better….or I lied better. But inside, I am only screaming. It destroys me every time.
SO I SAID WHAT I HAD TO SAY…..
Of course everything i said got taken out of context. and i said it would- that said, i am really REALLY looking forward to these shows and as bittersweet as they may be i will play them as i have played all our shows – in the moment, real, no bullshit and no false smiling or lying, i am going to be myself and ride the plateau and you know, its okay, when march rolls around and i get off the ride there will be all new geography to explore and that is what those songs to me at their best ever hinted at- that there was some light shining through and there was hope.
anyway it seems like all this got taken (as always) as bait for cheesy web-music blogs and sites when my intention was just to let you cardinals fans (THIS SITE IS CONNECTED TO THE CARDINALS SITE LURKERS- AND MEANT AS A WAY TO CONNECT WITH OUT FANS RUBBERNECKERS) know what is up with me.
In all seriousness I hope the guys decide to do something w/o me truly as they are far better musicians than I and if anything I think i was holding the band back.
I am hoping to get my groove back and find my muse again and I am VERY very excited to play these upcoming shows and if anything I feel so much lighter having said my peace and explained that I am ready for some real life events and you know eventually hopefully maybe I will be able to play a little music supporting others. I just don’t know right now and it’s best to just get out of the way and let my ears and my soul and my heart do some work right now repairing.
But I sure have loved all this and have had such a ride with the cards and i have nothing but love and respect for cardinals fans for letting myself and the band always be real and always be exactly what we were and you know people like to only mention the times a band or an artists fall on their faces but you guys know, cards fans know how much we have kicked it out, how funny we could be on any given night, how heavy and serious too, and how fun the marathon shows were. and i loved the blue cave shows.
this will be something to miss for sure but new days await and i am so serious when i say this but i think the work will more appreciated if i can just get out of the way of it right now and i want to respect everything we (the cardinals) have done.
that said, it is so funny to read stuff like ”RYAN RETIRES…” uh, how funny. I think I said I am pulling back now, and that maybe I will find something new at some point that will makes sense for me and that i am suffering some serious punishing pain from a degenerative inner ear disease. it hardly seems like i am over-reaching or being dramatic by saying it is in my and every one’s best interest to know when to say ”when”.
i think relating to you guy’s the things that have pained me or informed more or the emotional parts of walking away- maybe that was too much, but you know what, I like rocknroll because it is a place to be yourself and be a freak and express yourself and get those damn complicated things off your chest- and i like connecting to our fans ( FANS WHO USE OUR SITE AND USE THE BLOG AS A BAND BLOG…. NOT INTERNET LURKERS WHO LOOK AT THIS AS ”MY BLOG”….it’s not It’s a Cardinals Blog….which is kind of the problem – I can never update or talk about things band related without them turning into ”RYAN SAY’S etc….which is and has just not been the point….ugh) EXPRESS YOURSELF- or like Ian sang ”STAND UP AND BE COUNTED!!!! which may have been a Wire song- )it’s always been what is so damn good about all those bands that mattered- it’s the difference between Husker Du and KISS ( i love BOTH bands) but i mean, you listen to Husker Du to connect with those hard to get to feelings- and feel like someone understands- and i guess i like to just say how i feel or at least that is how i have operated- because the rock world doesn’t need more fake stuffy b.s. and it certainly doesn’t seem like things are going so great right now in general for records now does it….
and writing novels is hardly retiring- i mean, i am 34 years old gimme a break.
anyway this was never meant to be dramatic just matter of fact.
so i am sorry if this hurt confused or alarmed anyone in our camp our our fans by what i said about needing to go ahead and walk away after this next tour. i think it is the best decision for me.
and of course, i just want what is best fort everyone.
Kindness, Love, and Truly Nothing But Respect Where It Is So Obviously Deserved,
R
FOR CARDSFANS AND FAM- Peace-Out!! R XO
via CARDINAL CAVE den 2009-01-15
THERE WILL BE NO CANCELLED SHOWS AND THIS CARDINALS TOUR WILL HAPPEN AS PLANNED SO PLEASE UNDERSTAND I AM JUST SHARING THIS NOW SO THAT IN A FEW DAYS OR LESS IT WILL BE NO PROBLEM AND NOT INTERFERE WITH HAVING A PEACEFUL TOUR AND A NICE TIME PLAYING THE GIGS BOOKED.
FOR CARDINALS FANS and FAM,
I am very sorry if my blog post concerning my need to walk away for however long from cardinals( and from doing music related to the music i have made during my solo career and during my very long and substantially frustrating time at my former label ) was alarming or shocking or seemed off base. it was not my intention to be dramatic. I feel like i am entitled to my feelings and that i certainly do not deserve to be further ridiculed for my deteriorating inner ear issues and the physical pain that goes along with that.
perhaps my emotional overview of the things i resented and regretted was too much but this is also my choice if i choose to share here at THE CARDINALS BLOG as I am an original member of the band and I feel just as entitled to my opinion and my desire to be open about why i would choose to pull back now, after SUPPORTING THIS BAND AND ITS CONCEPTS when i might have continued during that time as a solo artist.
my reasoning is sound as is my dedication to what i feel is right for me and my thoughts and feelings are valid. i am a human being and have the basic desire to be well and not suffer any longer pain or anxiety that is unnecessary when my efforts might be better used and longer lasting in an environment where i would be happier therefor more helpful to others for longer.
In all seriousness I hope the guys decide to do something w/o me truly as they are far better musicians than I and if anything I think i was holding the band back.
I hardly feel like i am over-reaching or being dramatic by saying it is in my and every one’s best interest to do what is best for all concerned and I am just not cutting it anymore. I mean, I know I will really give this last tour here my all. I know I have that much strength and yes, I know people will get weird and say ”whatever” but Cardinals have the BEST fans and I am being open to those very fans our band loves and respects as much as a band could ever. This is my loss truly but I know good and amazing things will come.
anyway this was never meant to be dramatic just matter of fact.
so i am sorry if this hurt confused or alarmed anyone in our camp our our fans by what i said about needing to go ahead and walk away after this next tour. i think it is the best decision for me.
and of course, i just want what is best fort everyone.
that music deserves a shot and i don’t mind people saying i was too prolific or over-indulgent in writing and recording. in my mind i was racing against the clock and the inevitable dissolution of my hearing and in that respect i won. i stayed true to the inspiration and the muse.
i just loved music so much man.
i always will and that is all. i’m done rambling now. I apologize to the band (again) that people re-printed this shit. It is amazing to me anybody give a shit what I say really. I don’t feel special at all. I just feel like I am not very strong right now and sad that I have to do this now but that is life and that is how I am going to get well.
to you badass cards fans, thank you whoever you were. i did all this work so i would not feel so lonely and i made it for you, whoever you are so you could see that if i could do this certainly, most certainly
you could do anything you ever wanted….
you certainly can-
Kindness, Love, and Truly Nothing But Respect Where It Is So Obviously Deserved,
STAY TRUE
R
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Andra bloggar om: Ryan Adams, The Cardinals, Ménière’s disease